The Blame Game

I recently read an article on blaming others by Richard Carlson, PH.D. that I’d like to share with you. The topic really resonated with me because so many of us are in the habit of blaming others for our own unhappiness. Okay…Here’s the deal…Only you can your control your own unhappiness or happiness-it’s a choice and here is the gist of my message…Stop Blaming Others!

When something doesn’t meet our expectations, many of us operate with the assumption, “When in doubt, it must be someone else’s fault.” You can see this assumption in action almost everywhere you look–Something is missing, so someone else must have moved it; the car isn’t working right, so the mechanic must have repaired it incorrectly; your expenses exceed your income, so your spouse must be spending too much money; the house is a mess, so you must be the only person doing your part; a project is late, so your colleagues at work must not have done their share–an on and on it goes.

This type of blaming thinking has become extremely common in our culture. On a personal level, it has let us to believe that we are never completely responsible for our own actions, problems, or happiness. On a societal level, it has led to frivolous lawsuits and ridiculous excuses that get criminals off the hook. When we are in the habit of blaming others and not looking at the part we play, we will blame others for our anger, frustration, depression, stress and unhappiness.

In terms of personal happiness, you cannot be peaceful while at the same time be blaming others. Surely, there are times when other people and circumstances contribute to to our problems, but is we who must rise to the occasion and take responsibility for our own unhappiness. Circumstances don’t make a person, they reveal him or her.

As an experiment, notice what happens when you stop blaming others for anything and everything in your life. This doesn’t mean you don’t hold people accountable for their actions, but that you hold yourself accountable for your own happiness and for your reactions to other people and the circumstances around you. When the house is a mess, rather than assuming you’re the only person doing your part, clean it! When you’re over budget, figure out where you can spend less money. Most importantly, when you’re unhappy, remind yourself that only you can make yourself happy!

Blaming others takes an enormous amount of mental energy. It’s a “drag-me-down” mind set that creates stress and disease. Blaming makes you feel powerless over your own life because your happiness is contingent on the actions and behaviors of others, which you can’t control. When you stop blaming others, you will regain your sense of personal power. You will see yourself as a choice maker. You will know that when you are upset, you are playing a key role in the creation of your own feelings. This means that you can also play a key role in creating new, more positive feelings. Life is a great deal more fun and much easier to manage when you stop blaming others. Give it a try and see what happens.